I find it interesting how one person treating you poorly can snowball. Suddenly you are looking at how everyone else treats you and whether they are truely in your corner or not.
This has just occurred to me, as I sit on an island with no phone reception, trying to make sense of what I’m feeling currently.
Last week, I had someone in my life try to manipulate me. Using someone else.
To me, this is the worst kind of manipulation.
In this instance, it was her trying to tell me that a task was suddenly urgent one morning, because else who I value ‘has asked multiple times if it’s been done yet’.
I knew it was a lie as soon as she said it. For one, that person would come directly to me if he wanted that task done. It was actually me that wanted it done, and planned to do it later in the day (not at 6:30am when I needed to go down to do the morning dairy work).
Part of the reason I took such great offence to what she said was that it seemed that she believed I blindly dropped whatever I was doing to do whatever this other person wanted. I can’t think of one instance where I’ve done that, without first assessing concurrent needs and safety factors. This seemed like a disrespect that she thought that little of me.
The second part was, of course, that she was attempting to manipulate me using someone else.
As if my relationship with her wasn’t already hard work, this has just added to the strain.
I’m not sure now if I’m looking for more examples, but another just played out in my life.
I said I was unavailable to attend a meeting this week for some volunteer work I’m doing. Previously when I’d said I was unavailable, I was told off for not giving 24 hours notice. This time I was giving almost a weeks notice. Rather than the organiser asking me personally, she had one of our mutual friends reach out, asking if it was due to work committments that I was having to miss it.
This person was someone I consider a close friend, so for her to be used in this way hurts.
Worse again, she isn’t dumb, so she is well aware of what she is doing – that hurts too.
As an aside, it also highlights that society (even in personal development circles), values work above personal life. Maybe I’m overthinking this, but that’s what I’m seeing.
Let’s just all be kind to each other.
If we want something, talk directly to the person and explain our ‘why’ to them.
Don’t potentially disrupt friendships for your mission.
Consider how your actions affect those around you.
In all things, be kind.