To run or stand your ground

“You grow through what you go through” – Tyrese Gibson

At the moment I have no set home base. This leaves me free to migrate around as I see fit. Allows me to live obligation free.
I’m coming to realise that while this is an ah-may-zing way to live, but may be enabling some of my less desirable traits. Like wanting to remove myself from places of conflict that I cannot resolve.

For example, this week I had a bit of a blow up with my mate.
My fight/flight/freeze default order is to freeze first to properly analyse the situation, fight what injustice I feel I can, then flee if that fails.
(I also find it challenging as an external party to a family argument to gauge what your correct level of involvement should be.)
So when the situation began unfolding, I stopped at a safe distance to try to understand what was going on and what the triggers were. Failing this, I stepped up to the plate and asked, which was met with stress about not being understood and some self-imposed time pressure for the job at hand, causing what I viewed as irrationality.
The behaviour that was unfolding before me was causing me to revert to my freeze response, as I wanted no part in it. Of course this did not assist the situation, increasing the stress.
The tirade continued as the others trailed along, patiently fulfilling the directions given.

Without fully helping all parties understand the objective or the action steps up front, the task took double the time it should have (as others could not help by working ahead in the absence of the lead) and resulted in far more stress than was necessary for all parties.
Luckily the task was completed without anyone getting injured, but there were some other negative consequences (damage to infrastructure) that needn’t have occurred.

This is a lesson I hope we all know – rather than stressing about a time bind, it is more effective to pause and get the whole team on board with the plan. This makes the most effective use of all team members, and often helps come up with better/more effective/safer/faster ways of achieving the same objective.

The thing that really challenged me personally about this situation was that we previously had an understanding that when I said stop, it needed to be adhered to.
On this day, due to having other compliant helpers, the job went on without me.
That made me feel both disrespected and also concerned for the safety of others.

Fortuitously, I already had a week away planned.

But the question flashed through my mind – what if I stay away? What if I don’t come back? I have nothing holding me there except my need to help. I’m not getting paid to be there and do 12 hour days around the farm. I’m there to try to help. And this one incident has thrown it all into question.

If it’s not a situation in which I am respected and feel safe, why am I giving so much?

Do I try to resolve it, or just move on?

A lot to ponder this week.