Being kind to yourself

A while ago, I lost my morning routine.
On the farm, there were cows depending on me getting myself out of bed and starting my day running around on a motorbike and divvying out feed.
Initially when I left the farm, I was in a good habit of waking up at 5:30/6am.
But why? What was the point now?

When travelling down the coast I had some morning scuba dives, so this was a handy habit. But on the other days… nothing. If anything it became annoying waking up then, because all social arrangements were in the evening.
So, rather than using these morning to still get up and embrace the day, I fought it.
I stayed up later and later, drinking my evenings away.
I’d then sleep in more and more. Some mornings I’d allow myself to drift back to sleep.
Other mornings I’d put on Netflix and while away the morning hours.
I told myself this was ‘being kind’ to myself. Giving my body the rest I felt it needed…
I’m now realising, this makes me feel more tired. More unfulfilled. More lethargic.
I am at a point where I’m so lacking energy that I’m ok to stay in bed all day, leaving to grab food or drinks.
I’ve also hit my highest ever weight.
And why? Because I thought my body wanted to move less? Because I missed the farm? Because I had no routine, no reason to get out of bed?
Of course, for work, I’d pull myself out. But I made sure I got every extra minute of sleep I could. Or, I’d rush through the morning routine as if I was in a hurry, lacking time to pause, to blow dry my hair, to eat breakfast, just to get to work 2 hours early. “It’s a new job. There’s a lot to get my head around.” I tell myself.

I need to start a morning routine again. I need to do this for myself, because I don’t have defenceless cows that need me.

Today I started change. Already, I feel more energised.
Sure, I’ve still watched too much Netflix. Sure, I’ve still made some bad food choices and spent too long in bed. But hey, I went to the gym today. and my body loves me for it.
What I did at the gym wasn’t extraordinary – I walked on a treadmill and pedalled on a spin bike, but it’s started.
I’ve started with refamiliarising myself with the gym.
I’ve started with realising that I feel better and my head feels clearer.

There’s a long way to go. But I’ve started.

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